Late, not sure what I'm doing here tonight. Past weeks have been a real challenge, think I'm stuck trying to crawl out of it. Having a hard time finding that bright spot, you know what I;m saying. That little light that makes one know it's all going to work out in the end for the better. Maybe I;m just tired and a bit put out with myself for acting like a baby, after all we've been through hard times before.
My very best friend and love of my life, my husband has been put on temporary disability while Dr's try to figure out whats wrong with his back and why he can hardly walk. He has lost weight, muscle, and strength in his legs. His left leg will just give way and he can and has fallen several times. He walks every where with a cane now, hopefully to prevent another fall. Sometimes he is so week just getting around the house is a chore for him.
It's just really hard to watch someone you love day in and day out, sitting around in pain and I can;t seem to come up with much to make things better for him. I want to make it all better as I would have done for a child but this has me just about beat! I've put in hours on line trying to learn all I can about the therapy they had him doing and with what I Learned, I find I'm very angry with the therapist!
Long and short of this is I need much, much sleep so I can get up early and have my first coffee outside with the dogs, birds, squirrels and who ever happens to get up at the same time. I will put a smile on my face and strive to work harder to make the day better for him. I will help him through his paces and give him a good rub down and maybe he will be up to a trip to town so we can get that elliptical training machine that just might help him to start to get a little better and stronger.
Last thing tonight after saying good night, I'll ask the Lord to help him and to guide me in all that I need to do and know for my part in this too. Bless his heart he deserves a far better wife then I have been but the Lord has put us together so hopefully it will all work out. It must, it will!
With the morning sun, tears and fears will fade and new beginnings will grow. Think I can just see the light!
